


She Was Blue

by Inkess



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 3, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkess/pseuds/Inkess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Javik woke up after 50 thousand years in a strange cycle he knows little about. Lucky for him, Liara is a Prothean enthusiast eager to help him find his way around. Too bad he dislikes her and he's not what she expected. There's no way in the galaxy they could develop feelings for each other, but strange things happen when everything you know is about to disappear. Again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the Cycle

The primitives of this cycle – several humans and an overly enthusiastic asari he remembered seeing shortly after waking up – stood near Javik as he knelt on the floor. Their weapons looked hopelessly outdated. A proud warrior like him could never allow himself to be seen holding such a flimsy contraption. Still, the weapons did look capable of producing mass effect powered rounds, and were pointed at his head and chest so he kept perfectly still, avoiding eye contact.

Death would not be a good start to his path of vengeance.

The leader of the humans… The Commander, did her subordinates call her? She looked like a person worthy of following while he carved his path. Images of her many deeds flashed through his mind while they were connected mentally. Some of them looked impossible for a former cave dweller to achieve, but the commander's biological marker could not lie. Truly, her fight against the Reapers matched the efforts of Akros, one of the last living avatars of Defiance during his cycle.

His cycle.

Javik had to fight a mournful sigh that threatened to escape his mouth. Fifty thousand years had passed in a moment. The glory of his people was lost forever. The cave dwellers, lizard people (or were they frog people?), bird people, puppets—No, he stopped himself. Humans. Salarians. Turians. Asari. He would have to remember to use the real names of their species. They ruled the galaxy now.

The asari had filled him in on this while they were waiting for the commander to arrive. Apparently, the Citadel, the heart of the galaxy was still untouched despite the arrival of the Reapers. The primitives were still using it as the seat of their power. It was puzzling. Weren't the Reapers supposed to conquer the Citadel first and then spread through the network of relays, reaching the fringes of the galaxy? This war was different. From what he could gather, the Enemy arrived to the remote system known as Bahak and tried to reach the Citadel from there. It made absolutely no sense. Their magnificent Empire was thrown to its knees in a moment and left with centuries of futile struggle, while the primitives were allowed to strike back and actually fight? How could this happen?

He glanced at the asari at his side, struggling with the temptation to ask her. Following his inner voice of reason, he decided against it. The blue-skinned female (or was she really a female?) tended to prattle on and on whenever her mouth opened. It was obvious she fancied herself to be an expert on his people. Javik felt the urge to chuckle when he thought about it, despite his current position.

She knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. She was dense. All primitives were dense. How could have his people ever thought they were suitable to be subservient races to their Empire? Standing—well, kneeling on the floor of the wreck they called a spaceship - Javik honestly couldn't say.

"Are you comfortable?" the asari asked.

He was on his knees, with weapons trained on him, stuck on a ship full of unfamiliar scents and DNA traces threatening to drive him crazy and he was supposed to be comfortable? Javik didn't bother to answer.

"I tried to accommodate the room to what Protheans like," she continued. Why couldn't she keep quiet? Wasn't it obvious he  _hated_  this room and everyone in it?

Javik allowed himself a deep breath. The previous occupant of this room was a krogan, and quite an angry one. In his current weakened state, the traces left by the krogan were starting to affect him. It took all of his willpower to regain control.

The asari opened her mouth again, and Javik braced himself for another remark or a question. She really didn't know when to quit. Luckily, the door to the room hissed and slid open in the next moment, revealing the human commander he had met earlier.

"Shepard!" the asari called. So that was the commander's name. Not that he cared. "I tried to send the guards away, but they wouldn't budge."

"Damn old first contact protocols," one of the guards shrugged. "'Assume hostility.' Couldn't do anything until you arrived, ma'am."

The commander shook her head, as if she was in disbelief. With a waving motion of her hand she sent the guards away. "I don't think our guest will be a problem."

The guards obeyed and exited the room immediately. Javik slowly rose to his feet. The commander stood directly in front of him. She had red hair and green eyes, he noted.

The last time he saw humans, Javik realized suddenly, they had hair all over their body. Now it was limited to the top of their heads. Evolution worked in strange ways.

"I'm sorry about that," the commander said. Her voice sounded sincere. "The first time we've met another species things didn't end well. Ever since we've been careful when meeting new friends." She paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Are you a friend?"

He was pleased to hear her ask that. She wasn't easy to trust a stranger. The memories of fighting the Reapers he had seen earlier had already made him respect her somewhat. It was possible he could even like her.

This didn't answer her question, however. Carefully, Javik began to speak. "I am here to help you fight the Reapers. That should be your main concern, Commander, not making friends."

One of the commander's eyebrows arched, and she cast a discreet but unmistakable glance in the asari's direction. He did the same with the upper pair of his eyes while keeping the lower one fixed on the commander, and noticed that the asari's cheeks were tinted darker blue.

The primitives had such a confusing body language.

"Well, I believe you won't start shooting at us, or tossing us around with your biotics. Am I right?" The commander sounded… amused. Javik couldn't possibly understand what was amusing her. Hadn't the Reapers arrived? Shouldn't she focus on survival only?

"We cannot fight among ourselves if we hope to defeat the Reapers," Javik replied seriously. "It brought our Empire to its knees. This cycle cannot repeat the same mistake."

"It's already happening," the asari muttered under her breath, but Javik's sharp sense of hearing caught it. Even in the presence of her commander, the asari couldn't keep respectfully silent?

It was pathetic, but what she said intrigued him. "This cycle is having trouble with traitors, too?"

"Yes," the commander nodded. "Cerberus. They are an organization supporting human supremacy. They believe they could gain control of Reaper technology and use it to improve humanity."

It was now Javik's turn to shake his head in disbelief. "The Reapers cannot be controlled. The only way to win the war against them is to destroy them. They are foolish to think otherwise. You can count on my help in destroying them, too, commander."

He wanted to add how this cycle was careless to allow traitors to exist, but something stopped him. The same thing happened in his cycle. The power of indoctrination was too strong. And if their glorious Empire could fall prey to it, was it really surprising the primitives did, too?

"Good enough for me." The commander sighed as she spoke. One of her hands moved a little, as if she tried to extend it towards him, but she kept it at her side in the end. Apparently, she remembered what happened when she tried to initiate a handshake last time. "Welcome to the crew, Javik."

He simply nodded in reply. It was unlikely he would ever again feel like part of a ship's crew, but at least he had a place to stay while he carried his mission of vengeance.

"Now that the formalities are settled", the commander spoke again, "I'd like to know more about what you did to me down on Eden Prime. When I saw your memories. You said you had access to mine, too?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "That is how I learned your language so fast."

"But what is it?" the asari interjected. She was really annoying. "How does it work?"

"It is something natural to my race," Javik explained. "We can read your DNA like you breathe the air around you. Everything you do, say or think leaves a mark in your genetic code. We can read it and learn from it."

"We have a similar ability," the asari said with a thoughtful expression on her face. "That is how we breed – we explore the genetic memory of our partners and adapt our DNA to create new life."

Javik chuckled before he could stop himself. "Did your race evolve so little in the past fifty thousand years, asari? I expected more."

The asari took a step back, with shock clearly visible on her face.

"What is the problem, asari?" he continued. "The last time I saw your species, you were using your mental ability to procreate. Nothing new there. Every species should evolve and grow, and you failed to do th—"

"Hey!" the commander yelled. Javik turned his attention to her. "I get it that you're not here to make friends, but you will respect my crew. Understand?"

"Yes, commander," he replied, although he didn't really understand. The force of evolution, and its merciless laws, was the foundation of the Prothean Empire. It wasn't disrespectful to judge a species based on it, but this was the commander's ship, and she got to make the rules. That, he could understand.

It was going to be tough to be under someone else's command again, Javik realized suddenly. Still, he would try his best. Squad cohesion was important in warfare, and if that meant he had to be a subordinate, then so be it.

The asari bowed her head low, and her cheeks were darker again.

"It looks like your species is quite different from what we thought we know," the commander remarked, but Javik wasn't looking at her. His gaze was still fixed on the asari. Was that shame he saw? "Even Liara," she motioned at the asari, "who is the best Prothean expert we have is surprised. Why don't you tell us more about your Empire? It could help us avoid future misunderstandings."

Javik didn't really see the point of doing so, but if it would help him shut this annoying "Liara" asari up, then he would oblige. He answered all their questions, and there were a lot of them, not paying attention to their surprise or shock any longer.

When they finally left his room and he was alone with his thoughts, he felt relief. His body and mind were tired and exhausted from the shock of waking up in another cycle. He sank on the rug that the asari so thoughtfully provided and started to drift away.

Before he lost awareness completely, the image of a bloody knife appeared in his mind. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that it belonged to him and that it had caused him pain. He didn't get to remember anything else before sleep overtook him completely.

* * *

There was a Prothean in the room below her. A living, breathing ( _Living! Breathing!)_  Prothean. Liara could barely hold in her excitement. It didn't matter that he wasn't what she expected. He was a  _real Prothean._

Ever since she got back in the solitary safety of her office, Liara had a huge, silly grin on her face. There were no mirrors around, but she was sure she had it. Her cheeks hurt.

It was a dream come true.

The voice of her drone assistant snapped her back to reality. "Agent Sentik is on hold for five minutes with his report, Dr. T'Soni."

"Thank you, Glyph," she replied and took the call. She finished the talk with the salarian contact much faster than she would usually. It was hard to focus on information brokering when she had a  _living, breathing_  Prothean below her!

Liara sighed and rubbed her face. This was getting ridiculous. Her network could live without her for a few hours. It was late, anyway. It wouldn't be a bad idea to get some sleep.

As she walked to her bed in the back of her quarters, Liara realized that sleep was going to be a futile effort. Not with all information she got in the past hour that just begged to be processed.

"Glyph, transfer my early works on the Protheans to my omni-tool."

"Yes, Doctor."

She could at least do something productive instead of staring at the ceiling while she lay.

As she pored over her old notes and dissertations, and compared them to the information provided by Javik, she felt a slight discomfort. It crept up on her slowly but surely.

_How could I be so wrong?_

According to her research, ancient asari had a lot in common with Protheans. And yet, nothing Javik had said seemed to fit in that picture. The rule of their empire was harsh and merciless. They didn't have a Council, or any other form of unified government. The Protheans were on top, destroying anyone who dared to oppose them. They valued war as the only instrument of evolution and the only tool of solving problems. The asari were the exact opposite.

It was puzzling.

Was she really that wrong about the Protheans or were the asari—

No. That was impossible. Her species was on top of the current galactic order, but they played nice. Thessia was the heart of the galactic civilization along with the Citadel. The entire asari culture was a shining example of what peace and unity could do. They might have had similarities with the Protheans in the past, but their cultures took different paths. It had happened before, to various species and cultures. As a former archeologist, she should know it best.

Liara shrugged and returned to her notes. The day cycle on the  _Normandy_  found her still busy with the data she got from Javik.

 


	2. Echoes of the Past

This ship… There was something wrong with this ship but he couldn't tell what.

Javik stirred restlessly on the rug in his room and opened his eyes. Fifty thousand years of cryo sleep left a toll on his body, leaving him weak and tired all the time. Today, however, was different. His body wasn't craving sleep anymore, and his mind was more alert and his senses sharper. The side effects of the tank were fading.

The downside to this was that he felt presences on the ship, both in present and past, more acutely than when he first arrived. This ship… This ship went through a lot, and its crew and the commander worked together against impossible odds, and… He shook his head, trying to block the flashes of images and sounds fluttering around him. Something seriously disturbed him about this, touching the clouded part of his mind.

The Echo Shard spun slowly above its pedestal, its smooth surface reflecting the light, teasing him. The gap in his mind could easily be fixed, he knew that. And yet, he felt himself freeze at the very thought. That dark cloud in his head did not want to be lifted. Somewhere in the back of his mind Javik knew that the memories it concealed were too painful.

And this ship stirred them, lured them to the surface of his mind.

At least the annoying asari wasn't around. Every once in a while she would appear in the doorway to his room, prodding him with questions about the Crucible. The prim—the people of this cycle still put their faith in it, hoping it could defeat the Reapers. He told her what he knew, which was very little, but she kept insisting.

By the time he had decided to join the cryo project, the Crucible was a little more than a myth. Their Empire was in pieces, each cluster fighting for itself with very little news on what happened elsewhere. After… After the dark event in his head happened, he knew that the war was lost. The only way to have any hope was to go into stasis until the Reapers leave and guide the young races of their time, preparing them for the war ahead.

Instead, their plan failed, and the lesser races took their own path. The Reapers caught them unprepared, and they couldn't even keep order in their galactic society. No leader felt strong enough to make decisions for others, so they made them together. It was weak. Pitiful. It slowed their fight against their Reapers. Even now, they had to make a detour to the turian homeworld to rescue one of their leaders. At least he was safe from the asari showing up in his room, because she accompanied the commander for the mission, along with another human soldier.

Javik slowly sat up, and took a deep breath. He could feel the restlessness of the krogan who lived here before. In a strange way, it matched how he felt right now. Before he knew what he was doing, he touched the floor and let the images flow through his mind.

The krogan was born in a tank. His memories were grafted into his mind. They didn't belong to him really, and it had left him confused. Besides, he was undergoing a … metamorphosis. Becoming a full adult of his species. The commander helped him find his way and his place in the society of his people.

Javik withdrew his hand and shuddered. Wasn't this krogan like him, in a way? The tank, the memories that were not quite right, the restlessness… The thought was repulsive, but at the same time he felt a change in the echoes from the ship. There was one voice less… the krogan's, he could tell now.

Now he knew what was wrong with this ship. It was mostly empty, but the traces of those who were aboard it before had left a mark. It was almost as if it was full of ghosts, yearning to tell their stories. All stories, as far as he could tell, were telling the same thing as the young krogan's: the commander helped them find their way and their place.

Was she going to do the same for him?

Now intrigued, Javik got up and decided to explore the ship. The commander gave him permission to go everywhere earlier. Maybe if he could see the stories left by those who were here before he would know more about this cycle and how they fought the Reapers so well.

Across his room was another one very similar to his, occupied by a dark-haired human female. Her eyes went wide and her mouth opened when she saw him, but he ignored her. The commander told him she was a "reporter", explaining her job briefly, but he didn't understand much. It didn't matter. The human in the ridiculous outfit wasn't worthy of his attention.

This room also held the residue of its previous occupant. It was a human male, old and battle hardened. His heart and mind were corrupted by revenge, making him oblivious to anything else. Of course, it was the commander who helped him control it, and taught him the value of teamwork first-hand.

Was he like this old soldier, blind to anything else except vengeance? Javik shook his head and headed to the engineering.

In the back of the big room stood the mass effect core, humming with activity. He recognized it immediately, although the design was different from what he was used to. The power of mass effect. Their strength and their weakness. Their tool and their trap. If only the scientists on Ilos had been a little faster and discovered how the relays worked before—

No. Ilos was a myth. A fairytale told to young Protheans so they would have hope and grow into warriors who could defeat the Reapers one day. Sighing, Javik absorbed the traces of those who were here before.

In one corner there were pheromones. A lot of them. The two humans that worked there obviously felt attracted to each other, but never did anything about it. Javik shrugged. That was irrelevant.

In the other corner was a young quarian female. Around her was a certain air of insecurity, both for what was expected of her, and her looks. Or the lack of her looks. She was worried about her face being hidden behind a mask.

That was puzzling. Weren't the quarians one of the most beautiful primitives they knew? Why would she need a mask? He could detect weaknesses in her immune system. Was she sick? Still, the commander regarded this quarian highly, both as a tech expert and a personal friend. Javik could tell that the quarian was aware of it.

On his ship, a sick crew member would be a dead weight. Why was the commander tolerating her—

On his ship. Was he in charge of a spaceship similar to this one once?

The black cloud in his mind stirred dangerously, and Javik blocked out the thought immediately. As he hurried out of the engineering room, the subdeck drew his attention.

He stood at the top of the stairs, contemplating going lower. Eventually, he decided against it. The anger and confusion, bordering on madness, left behind by the human woman who appeared to had lived there were so strong, he could detect them easily from where he was. No need to expose himself to that. He had enough of his own confusion and anger.

He moved to the elevator, taking it one level up. The buttons on the control panel indicated it was the crew level. The rest of the echoes he was looking for were probably there.

As soon as he stepped through the door, Javik faced a list of names written on the wall. Around it was a residue of sadness and grief so thick, he didn't want to spend much time here.

As he explored the rooms adjacent to the corridor with the wall covered its names, he became aware of even more grief and regret. One room was home to an asari who was forced to kill her own daughter. Another one sheltered a dying male drell who suffered because he was estranged from his son. The drell wished to atone for his past transgressions, and leave something good behind him before he was gone. Finally, the last room held a human female who mourned the loss of her joined partner. She was unable to let go, living in the past, replaying it in her mind over and over again.

The surface of the dark cloud in his head writhed as if there were snakes underneath it. Wasn't he forced to kill someone dear to him? Wasn't he trying to leave one last trace on the galaxy before he perished? Wasn't his own past wrapped in that dark cloud, always there and always following, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it?

These primitives had much more in common with him than he ever thought possible. And Shepard was their leader, the catalyst that made this ship strong and able to overcome any obstacle in his path.

The room to the left of the mess hall smelled like the "Liara" asari, so he decided to visit it last. The room to the right was a medical bay. Surprisingly, it didn't change its occupant since the ship was built. The gray-haired human doctor was a beacon of loyalty for this ship, radiating safety and trust. She smiled at him when he entered, but he didn't bother to reply. Instead, he simply continued on.

The main battery at the opposite end of the crew deck from the wall with the names held a lot of interest. He could feel the trace of a male turian who grieved the death of his squad. He had seen them die, but it wasn't his fault. There was a traitor among them. Still, the turian took it to heart, blaming himself, and it changed him into a darker and angrier person. Naturally, it was the commander who helped him with that.

There was also something else about this turian. Javik focused hard on his ability, trying to read more from the traces left behind.

The turian was lonely and yearning for… for the commander, and she… she helped him with that, too. Although they weren't the same species. That was… unheard of in his time.

As he left the battery, Javik felt a memory piercing the dark veil like a knife.

It  _was_  a knife. The same knife he saw before, covered in Prothean blood. Held by his hand. He removed it from the throat of his crew member and watched the blood soak the ground beneath them. The dead Prothean was a traitor, and he should have felt no remorse… but he did. Javik sensed darkness and anger rising inside him, threatening to overwhelm him.

Suddenly, the ship rocked and the lights went out for a moment before they flickered back to life.

Javik was shaken out of his flashback. Around him was the commotion of humans running towards the locked room he saw in the doctor's med bay. He stopped the nearest one.

"What is going on, human?"

"EDI just went offline!" the human yelled, tugging on Javik's hand holding his arm. "Let me go, bug!"

"EDI?" Javik asked, trying to keep calm.

"The AI! She's controlling all systems! If something happens to her, we're all in deep shit!"

Javik was so shocked he released the human immediately. It took him a while to properly process what he had just heard. They were keeping a sentient machine on the ship, calling it a "she", and letting "her" run the systems.

The primitives were dense, after all. And he had just started to hope he could find a place among them. Javik sighed and resumed his rounds of the crew deck.

There was only one room left now – the one belonging to the annoying asari. Maybe her residue would tell him  _what_  could make her leave him alone.

* * *

"Dr. T'Soni, please!" Specialist Traynor frowned, not taking eyes off her computer screen. "You're not helping."

"I… I'm sorry," Liara sighed. "I just… I just needed to get away from  _there_."

Traynor raised an eyebrow but kept her comments for herself. "I can't get EDI to restart! She's not responding at all! Half of our systems are frozen! I'm sorry, Doctor, but this isn't your field of expertise."

"Very well," Liara added. "I'm leaving."

As she took the elevator down to the crew deck, Liara saw the scene that made her leave Menae under the excuse to help with whatever happened to EDI playing before her eyes. She shuddered and cringed when she remembered how  _happy_  Shepard and Garrus looked together.

How Shepard jumped when she heard his voice.

How her eyes gleamed and her lips parted with the smile that used to be reserved for Liara only when she took in his face and confirmed it was really him.

How the time seemed to stop for them when he took her hand between both of his.

Liara felt pain. Actual, physical pain. By the Goddess, and she had thought she was over it.

It was her fault. It was all her fault.

When Shepard appeared on Illium during the Collector mission with that unmistakable twinkle in her eyes she knew so well, Liara had pushed her away. Sent her to hack computer terminals. Obsessed over the Shadow Broker and her own vengeance. Acted like their relationship ended with Shepard's death.

_"Yes, you came back! And now I hear Garrus is doing much more than calibrating the_ Normandy's _guns!"_

Liara shivered at the memory of her own voice. If she wasn't so cold back then…

The elevator pinged, signaling its arrival. Liara took a deep breath, composing herself. It  _was_  over! Whatever existed between her and the commander once was long gone. They were both free to pursue other relationships.

And Shepard had found her new partner in Garrus, while she pretended to feel perfectly fine with being single.

As she walked to her room, Liara pondered if her feelings for Shepard were ever true, or if it was just her infatuation with the Prothean messages and cipher the commander received. Did she ever love Shepard as a person or as a… as a…

Prothean specimen.

The door to her room opened, revealing a Prothean specimen leaned over her bed, touching it. Javik.

"E-excuse me?" Liara stuttered.

Javik straightened, unfazed, and regarded her with a steady gaze from all four of his eyes. "This ship is full of traces of those who were here before. They were confusing me, so I decided to explore it and sort them out. They are… unusual. Especially the human female who lived in this room."

"Miranda," Liara blurted out, still feeling shocked. Javik was in her room! "I don't know much about her. I wasn't on the ship during the previous mission."

"Her genetic structure was artificially constructed to eliminate weaknesses. It could not eliminate her self-doubt."

Liara was amazed. Shepard had told her that Miranda had perfect genes, but never mentioned anything about self-doubt. According to her, the Cerberus agent was smug, annoyingly so. How could Javik detect what Miranda felt?

"Yes, Shepard told me that Miranda was created to be perfect," Liara confirmed. "I don't think she doubted herself. She was second in command for the previous mission, and was very conf-"

"She was not," Javik stated.

"What? But—"

"She had that position only by name. The commander sought support and advice from the turian in the battery room. It was eating away at this 'Miranda' human, because she was used to be in command all the time."

His ability was  _really_ amazing. Liara shifted her weight uncomfortably. If he was here, could he—

"What have you read from my genetic trace?" Liara found herself speaking. She couldn't hold it in.

"That you are young," Javik answered. "You still have a lot to learn."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, exactly, but it could be worse, given his earlier disposition.

"We are not what you think we are," Javik continued. "We are not gods. We fell into the trap left by the Reapers as easily as you did. They conquered the Citadel in one move and took over our Empire right there, right then. The rest was just a futile struggle against the power much stronger than us. You still have hope." He took a deep breath and averted one pair of his eyes. It looked like admitting this took a great effort on his part. "I am curious, however. How did this happen? Why wasn't the Citadel attacked first?"

Liara felt her eyes going wide. Javik actually asked a question! And about a topic she knew well! Her face brightened.

"Thanks to you. Your scientists on Ilos, I mean."

"Ilos?!" Javik echoed. "Ilos is real?!"

"Yes," Liara replied, slightly taken aback. Javik didn't know about Ilos? How could that be? "The scientists there put themselves into stasis and lived through the Reaper invasion. They created a portal to the Citadel based on relay technology. They disarmed the trap left by the Reapers that let them jump directly to the Citadel and put the relay network under their control."

"They lived through the invasion? There are more of my people alive? Asari, why haven't you told me that earlier!?"

Liara shook her head slightly, feeling sad. "Very few of them survived long enough to see the Reapers leave. Not enough to sustain a population. And the portal they created was one-way only. They were stranded on the Citadel once they completed their mission."

"I see," Javik nodded slowly. "Then how did you find out about the facility?"

"Shepard found one of the beacons with a warning message from Ilos, but the information stored in there was too alien for her – or anyone else – to comprehend. Eventually she found a way to decipher it, and I searched her mind, extracting the location of Ilos. Unfortunately, the same was accomplished by an agent of the Reapers, a turian named Saren. He wanted to undo what your scientists did. We chased Saren to Ilos and…" Liara's throat tightened at the memory of the night before Ilos and swallowed hard, "And with the help of a VI left by your people succeeded in stopping him. The Reapers were stranded in dark space." She paused and added quietly. "Or so we thought."

"You took part in that?" The surprise was clear in Javik's voice. Liara felt slightly irritated, but didn't let it show on her face or in her voice.

"We did it together, as a team, a crew, with Shepard leading us. If it wasn't for her, the Reapers would have harvested us by now."

"You seem to hold her in high regard, asari." Was that her imagination, or was there an undercurrent of laughter in Javik's voice? Could he… Could he detect…  _that_ , too?

"Y-yes, we all do," Liara replied. Javik thankfully let the matter drop.

"I have more questions about this team, this crew you speak of. They are interesting people… for primitives."

"Oh, the team who did the Ilos mission wasn't the same one you… sensed here. The old ship was blown up by the Collectors, along with Shepard. She was resurrected by Cerberus, and they sent her on a mission—" Liara spoke about this as if it was normal. She was honestly surprised when all four Javik's eyes went wide.

"Who are the Collectors? And Shepard worked with Cerberus, the traitors? That is unac—"

Liara held up a hand. "Please, Javik, calm down. Why don't you take a seat? There is lot to find out about the  _Normandy_  and its adventures. I'd be glad to tell you."

Javik hesitated for a moment and then sat down on Liara's bed. Liara leaned back in the chair at the small desk near the window in her cabin and told the tale of The Shepard right up to the primarch extraction.

It was a start. With luck, she could get  _him_  to tell her more about his people.


	3. Breaking Ice

Javik hefted his old particle rifle, examining the signs of wear and tear. The years he spent fighting the Reapers had left a mark on his weapon. Still, it was better than anything he could find on the Normandy. His opinion of the flimsy contraptions used in this cycle still stood. There was no way in this galaxy that could persuade him to drop his trusty tool of destruction for one of those. Not even Commander Shepard and her diplomatic skills were enough.

Satisfied with the inspection of his rifle, Javik turned his attention to his biotic amp. Like the gun, he refused to have it replaced with the tech from this cycle. It was unlikely that the primitives could produce anything compatible with his physiology, anyway. Still, it seemed like a good idea to test it. There was a good chance that fifty thousand years of collecting dust in that icy coffin could have had hurt the amp.

The green swirls of biotic energy engulfed his hands several seconds after he had activated the amp. Javik shook his head and switched it off. A delay like this could mean life or death on the battlefield. Focusing hard, he repeated the process. This time, the green glow appeared instantly.

Javik nodded, satisfied, and decided to test his ability a bit more. He looked around, looking for a suitable target. He was in the hangar area of the Normandy, which also doubled as the ship's armory. The commander had told him he would be joining her team today for the first time since he woke up, so he had come down here to prepare before the rest of the team. He had to be sure that the extended cryo sleep didn't affect his performance.

Besides the shuttle, the weapon and armor lockers, and the makeshift workout area set up by the "Vega" human, Javik noticed a lot of crates lying around. They were probably supplies ordered by the "Cortez" human, who was in charge of the ship's inventory and the shuttle pilot. The large one in the corner would do just fine.

Javik twisted the dark energy with his mind, making the green streak extend from his hand and wrap around the crate he targeted. In a few moments, it floated off over two meters above the ground, hovering weightlessly in mid-air. He allowed himself a smile. It was the first time he did it in a long, long while.

"Impressive!" Someone behind him called out. Javik flinched when he recognized the voice, and his concentration broke. The crate landed with a thud, making both humans in the hangar bay jump and interrupt what they were doing. He didn't dare look back and see what it did to the owner of the voice that caused it.

Liara. The asari from his nightmares. Literally. He had a dream about her tonight. No place was safe from her endless questions. Javik took a deep breath and braced himself as he turned to face her.

"I could do the same," she stated smugly. "Even better, I bet I could lift Vega off and prove that weapons and muscles aren't everything once and for all. He keeps babbling about his superiority over biotics every time he's in the mess hall."

"And drop me like that crate?" Vega quipped before Javik could say anything. "No thanks, Doc."

"I am sure that your biotic abilities are… adequate," Javik finally spoke. "There is no need to demonstrate."

"Neither of you are any fun," Liara pouted. Javik suppressed the urge to roll all four of his eyes. He was about to go on a mission with an asari child.

He was trying to be patient with her. Really. He did. Ever since he absorbed her genetic trace, he had tried to understand her way of thinking and make her stop prodding him. It was a lost cause. No matter what he did, she remained the same annoying asari she was on the day he met her.

What would it take to stop her and make her leave him alone? Couldn't she see that he wasn't interested in socializing?

From what he saw in her genetic marker, the young asari was very interested in getting approved by others. So he tried to appease her with mild compliments, like he did now or back in her room when she told him the tale of both ships that had the name Normandy.

Was that his mistake? His interest in Shepard and both of her crews was genuine, but it didn't mean that he was suddenly open for conversation. The young asari kept bugging him more and more about his people. It was obvious he was doing something wrong.

"Aw, c'mon, Doc!" Vega's loud voice interrupted Javik's reverie. "You wouldn't like if I picked you up and threw you across the hangar, either."

"I'd like to see you try!" Liara exclaimed and crossed her arms over her chest.

What was with these primitives? Were they serious about fighting each other, or worse, were they joking about it? There was a war to be fought! There was no time for such foolishness!

Javik suppressed a tired sigh. No matter how hard he tried, he could never understand these people, and he was supposed to go on a mission with some of them soon. With morbid curiosity, Javik found himself wondering who he'd end up with. The asari child, or the commander's turian pet? Or maybe this blithering hunk of meat, interested only in pumping his muscles?

And to make it worse, he didn't understand the purpose of the mission at all. It was some sort of a rescue mission, he had gathered that from the commander's briefing, but the details had left him wondering. According to her words, a young turian lieutenant had botched a mission earlier. Another team lead by the commander saved his life, and now they were supposed to help him finish what he had started. It made no sense. It was such a waste of time to save a bad soldier and leader. Still, the commander seemed very upset about the mission and wanted it to go smoothly.

Well, there was someone here who would be eager to answer any of his questions.

Against his better judgment, Javik found himself speaking, "Remind me, asari, what are we supposed to do on this mission?"

His inquiry interrupted the continued exchange of mock threats between her and the hunk of meat. Javik was now certain they were joking.

The asari fidgeted under the hard glare of his four eyes. "Uh, we're supposed to help Lieutenant Victus disarm a Cerberus bomb before it goes off and destroys half of Tuchanka, remember?"

"I know our objectives, but do not understand their purpose. Should we not focus on the Reapers?"

"If that bomb goes off, the relations between the Council and the krogan are going to be destroyed forever and they are bad enough already. We need the krogan to help the turians, so they could help Earth." She paused for a moment and asked with hesitation, "Didn't Shepard explain the diplomatic relations as they are at the moment to you?"

"She did." Javik made a pause as well. "But I do not see the purpose to diplomacy. Simply force the other races to do what you want."

"It's not that easy, Javik." The asari shook her head. "Unlike in your cycle, we don't have a single race at the top telling others what to do. We do things together."

"And utterly fail at them." His tone was ruthless. "Look at you, all of you, wasting time when you should be striking at our enemy!"

"That's exactly what we're working on right now." This time she didn't flinch or fidget, he noticed. "We're not doing things your way. You have to understand that."

There was something almost condescending to her tone. It was insulting.

The door to the hangar opened and the commander and her turian pet exited the elevator. It took one look from her to defuse his rising anger. That and the smell of sweat and… and something else that wafted from them. It was nauseating. All his senses were repulsed at the thought of the… cross-species intercourse, drowning out any other thought or emotion.

They were doing it right before they came down here. In his cycle, this was impossible to happen. It was forbidden to have intercourse with your own species except for breeding purposes, let alone to try it with different ones.

Or was it?

The dark cloud in his head was still very much present, and it was trying to tell him something right now. Javik ignored it. Whatever memory was stored there, he didn't want to see it. He was sure it would be painful.

"EDI told me you two were here," the commander said, returning him to reality. "Liara, you're going with me and Javik for this one, along with Garrus."

Yes, that was the name of her pet.

The asari's face suddenly went a shade of blue paler at the mention of the turian's name and her lips tightened. She merely nodded.

How was the commander doing it? The asari was silent!

"Understood, Commander," he said.

"Cortez, bring the shuttle down; we're heading out," the commander called the shuttle pilot.

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

The asari stood frozen still while the pilot prepared the shuttle. He caught a hard glare directed at the turian's back. Suddenly, he remembered something he saw while he explored her genetic memory and blinked with realization.

The asari was jealous.

For some reason, the thought of an asari having a relationship with another species didn't upset him as much as he expected. It was how they bred naturally. Their evolution process made them compatible with different species and Javik couldn't argue with the universe's strongest force.

The jealousy, though, would be almost amusing if they weren't facing a combat mission. As they entered the now-ready shuttle, Javik found himself wondering if the childish asari was going to ruin it. Luckily, the commander had him and his expertise honed through many battles.

As the shuttle took them to the planet called Tuchanka, Javik watched the primitives around him, still feeling almost amused. The commander and the turian sat close to each other, their armors touching as the shuttle rocked and bumped in the atmosphere. The asari and him sat across, as far apart as the seats allowed. The commander kept making jokes, and the turian laughed, his subharmonics thrumming with genuine mirth. They tried to include the asari in their jokes, but she kept ignoring them, staring at the holographic glove they called an omni-tool.

The commander eventually shrugged, and stopped making jokes. The shuttle fell silent. The air suddenly felt chillier than before, although his armor's sensors showed no change in the temperature.

Javik shuddered slightly and focused his eyes on the ceiling. These primitives were affecting him with their pitiful emotions and affections. He could not allow that to happen. Soon, he was going to show them how a real warrior should behave.

Liara crouched behind a piece of rubble, pressing her back flat against its hard surface. Her ears rang with gunfire. Cerberus forces pinned her here, and she didn't dare look at how the situation on the battlefield looked.

She heard Garrus' rifle crack two times, and then her comm crackled with his voice, "Clear!"

Thankful for the momentary respite, Liara clambered to her feet. Cerberus was trying really hard to reach Tarquin Victus and disrupt his attempt to disarm the bomb, dropping wave after wave of their troopers on their heads.

This mission was such a mess. The bomb was actually turian. If the krogan find out—

"Asari, you're not of much use if you keep getting pinned."

Liara rolled her eyes and searched for better cover. Javik had a point. If only he wasn't such an asshole about it.

"She wouldn't get pinned if you used your biotic attack on her singularity as we discussed earlier."

Shepard's voice and face showed clear disapproval, and with a good reason. Javik kept insisting on his own fighting style, claiming it was far superior to anything "the primitives" could come up with. So far, Liara failed to see any tactical benefit to it. It was putting the entire team to unnecessary risks at worst and interrupting their well-practiced fighting style at best.

Shepard, Liara and Garrus worked as one soul in three bodies on the battlefield. Maybe there was something to the turian doctrine of spirits. If only they could be in the same room again without dropping the temperature below the freez—

"Cerberus shuttle approaching." Garrus' voice rang through their comms again. His vantage point near Victus allowed him to give them heads-up as well as cover with sniper fire.

Liara drew a careful breath of the dust-filled air and checked over her amp. It was getting warm, but still looked solid. She could go through a couple more waves of this, if only Javik did as he was told to.

The shuttle appeared above their heads, and the troops poured out as soon as the hatch was opened. The jetpacks they used raised even more dust in the air. Liara focused on weaving dark energy, feeling the familiar fuzziness enveloping her body. A swirl of blue light projected from her fingertips and caught the troops in mid-air as they descended.

As they dangled helplessly above ground, Javik did as he was instructed for once and unleashed one of his weird, green-colored attacks. The singularity field reacted as if it was hit by a warp and detonated, sending the troopers flying. Less fortunate soldiers came down as a rain of gore. Liara's throat clenched. No matter how many times she had seen it, sometimes triggered by her own warp attack, she couldn't stop that involuntary reaction of her body.

The surviving troops were soon picked off, either by Garrus from above, or Javik and Shepard from below. Liara allowed herself to smile. Everything went so much better when they worked together.

A quick check at her amp showed it approaching the unsafe heat levels, but she hoped that it would hold. It hadn't failed her until now, and Liara hoped that this wouldn't be the first time it did.

"How's that disarm coming up, Lieutenant Victus?" Shepard inquired.

"Almost there," the young turian replied. "I'm hacking through the last f—"

"Shit—Atlas! And more troops!" Garrus warned, cutting the other turian off.

Goddess!

She hated those lumbering giants and their resistance to biotics and her small-caliber weapons. Their smoke screens and their missiles. It was just too much to handle for a former archeologist.

She heard the whooshing sound of a shuttle approaching.

This wasn't going to be her battle. After exchanging an understanding glance with Shepard, Liara scampered to the nearest, safest cover.

"Hiding, asari?" Javik asked. His voice was full of mockery, as if he expected her to run away screaming. Liara felt her temper flaring up. This annoying bug did nothing but mock her, she suddenly realized, even when he was giving her mild compliments earlier.

She stopped in her stride and snapped a reply behind her shoulder. "What do you expect me to—"

"Liara! Move! It's on top of you!" Garrus yelled, panic filling his subharmonics.

Liara realized that the whooshing sound turned into a roar. That bug was going to get her killed, or maybe it was going to be the giant mech directly above her. Panic froze her for a moment, but in the next she threw herself to the side and rolled for the nearest cover. The Atlas landed on the battlefield with a thump, and although it didn't crush Liara under it, the impact was still enough to throw her against the rock she wanted to hide behind. Sharp pain shot through her right arm, and she grunted. Maybe it was broken, because not even a dose of medigel could completely numb the pain. She couldn't shoot like this. Use biotics, maybe, but not when she was pinned by that damn mech and at least five troopers that crawled out of the shuttle. They were approaching.

Suddenly, one of the troopers fell, struck by tiny bolts from Javik's particle rifle. And another one. And another one. One more fell, this time obviously sniped down by Garrus. Liara dared to peek a little above her cover and saw Shepard firing at the Atlas through the smoke screen, while Javik was busy covering Liara. As she still watched, something happened to that old piece of junk he carried. It malfunctioned, and no matter what he did wouldn't shoot again.

"Shit!" Liara cursed as she sank deeper into the cover again. Funny, but her mother's face appeared before her eyes, scowling. Three troopers were still alive and advancing on her position. One fell, shot by Garrus. He needed to reload his Mantis between every shot, so the other two got really close. She smacked one in the gut with a warp from her good arm, just as Garrus downed the remaining one. The amp reached critical heat, but thankfully didn't explode. It only gave her a massive headache. She leaned on the rock behind her.

"Take cover!" Shepard shouted, and the tell-tale explosion convinced Liara that it was finally over. Her arm still felt weird, although it hurt much less by now. Goddess bless the medigel. She felt good enough to stand up. Javik stood near Shepard, frozen still. He looked like he couldn't believe what just happened.

Shepard approached him, and grabbed him by the collar of his armor. "You will get one of the weapons from the armory if you wish to continue your fight against the Reapers with us!" she downright hissed. "You just endangered a team mate!"

Liara swallowed hard, feeling the headache increasing. She took another dose of medigel. Shepard still cared about her immensely, but not enough. That special care was reserved for the turian above them, who probably saved her life a little while ago. The pain in her heart returned, and for this particular ache medigel was useless.

"Understood, Commander. The gun is broken for good, anyway." It was all that Javik said, but it somehow sounded different than usual. Like he actually cared, or felt sorry. Maybe he wasn't a total asshole.

Satisfied with Javik's answer, Shepard released him and ran over to Liara. "You okay?" she asked.

She nodded, not trusting her voice with that pain still raging through her chest. She rubbed her hurt arm and Shepard's attention switched to it immediately. There it was again, that care for her, like nothing at all happened between them, except... loss of love.

"Check with Chakwas after the mission. It may be broken. I saw how hard you slammed against that rock."

Liara nodded again. "Thanks," she mumbled finally.

"The firewall is down! I'm in!" Victus shouted over the comm, startling her. For a moment, she had forgotten their objective.

That wasn't good. She'd never allow herself to become an emotionless killing machine that Javik seemed to be, but her conflicted feelings were getting out of hand. She needed to talk to someone about it, but didn't know who.

Then it hit her. Of course. The next time she was on the Citadel, Liara was going to make a visit.

And of course, it was Shepard who provided her with that opportunity. Liara sighed with pain as she followed the commander to the bomb.


	4. Know Your Heart

The background noise in Apollo's grated on Liara's nerves as she tried to finish yet another report that landed on her datapad. She had come here with a specific goal in her mind, but the endless stream of documents and calls interrupted her attempts in regular intervals.

She sighed and peeked over the top of the datapad at her father. Aethyta was busy pouring a complicated drink at the moment, but Liara could swear that her father's eyes flickered towards her for a moment.

Of course. Of course Aethyta would know she was here. Liara could bet that her father knew the exact reason why she had come, too. Was that a smirk she just saw? If she was going to do this, she would better do it soon.

Liara switched the datapad off and set it down, determined to leave it behind. She was halfway off the chair, when her comm beeped. Before she could stop herself, she checked her omni-tool and saw  _Agent Sentik – urgent._

Whatever report came from Sur'Kesh, it had to be important. There was no way she could ignore this.

Liara sighed as she brought her fingers to the receiver in her ear, lowering herself on the chair again.

"Yes?" she asked through another barely suppressed sigh. Her fingers drummed on the datapad as she waited for the connection to stabilize, switching it on and off as they hit the activation control.

_"I'm sorry, Shadow Broker."_  Liara rolled her eyes. It wasn't a good way to start a report.  _"I tried to pull our strings in the salarian government, but they won't budge. They are still in the uproar over the genophage cure."_

"It was worth trying," she mumbled while looking at Aethyta again. She was done with the drink, and was now openly looking at her. As Liara watched, she even caught her gaze and winked. "Shepard needs all the help she can get."

_"I understand, Shadow Broker. We will all die if the Reapers win."_  Sentik hesitated for a moment.  _"But I pushed our contacts and resources on Sur'Kesh to the limit. I could do no more without revealing our network."_

"Try and find individuals who might support Shepard's cause." Liara realized what she was doing with the datapad and stopped drumming on it. "They can't all support the dalatrass."

Liara closed her eyes for a moment. Deep down inside she was afraid this was just wishful thinking. So far, this war had proved that the galaxy was full of single-minded… individuals who preferred old grudges to fighting the common enemy. Maybe the Protheans were actually right when they forced the galaxy to follow their rules.

_"Understood. Sentik out."_

The receiver in her ear signaled the end of the connection. Liara switched her comm off before it could activate again, and finally got up.

"Hey, kid!" Aethyta called as soon as Liara sat down at the bar. "How's your heart? Still broken?"

Liara had suspected that her father wasn't the most tactful person in the galaxy, but getting to the… heart of the matter like this was still surprising.

"H-how do you know?" Liara stuttered. "I never even told you we broke up."

Aethyta waved the rag she was holding in the air and rolled her eyes.

"You think I didn't see your girlfriend walking around here with that scarred turian? They were holding hands and kissing right over there!" Aethyta motioned at the balcony across the platform. "They didn't even care when some turian punk tried to pull off the anti-human bullshit! They just ignored him, and kept going at it."

Liara clenched her fists, her stomach churning as if she received a blow.

"Sorry, kid." Aethyta's eyes suddenly softened. "But it's better if you don't keep up false hopes. They're in love. Whatever existed between you and Shepard is gone. Even you know that. You better get some duct tape and fix that heart instead of crying to your plush toy every night."

"I don't sleep with plush toys an— Oh, you are joking. Ha ha."

"Good. You've started catching on jokes. I was afraid you'll remain as stuck up as Nezzie for the rest of your life."

Liara chuckled despite her best efforts to remain grumpy and serious. Whatever Aethyta was doing seemed to work.

"Funny, Gar—" Her voice broke and she had to swallow hard. "Garrus said the same thing. Well, not that I'm like Benezia. He never even knew her, except… well, you know."

Goddess, she still prattled like she was thirty when she was out of her zone of comfort.

"Is that his name?" Aethyta asked, her voice suddenly turning gentle.

Liara hesitated. "Yeah," she sighed at last. "He loves her. He really loves her. I can see it in every moment they spend together. And I… I…" Something hard gripped her chest and she couldn't finish.

"You never did. Is that what you're trying to say?"

Liara nodded. She still couldn't speak.

Aethyta picked up a glass behind the bar and wiped it with the rag.

"I was just infatuated. Nothing more," Liara whispered finally. "The visions and the beacons… The lost knowledge of the Protheans… I wanted a glimpse into her mind… Nothing more."

"But it paid off, didn't it?" Aethyta smirked. "I bet the melding was good. It had to be, with her mind being so str-"

"Father!" Liara screamed, pushing herself off the bar stool.

"Don't be such a prude. There's nothing wrong with liking sex."

Liara sat down again. "It was good." She paused, looking for the right words. "More than good. It was better than finishing my doctorate on Prothean his— Oh, goddess! I'm really bad at this."

Aethyta laughed, and it was the deep rolling laughter straight from the heart. Liara joined her, amused at her own discomfort.

"That you are, kid, that you are." Aethyta was still chuckling. "You can't live without your Protheans." Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Speaking of which, how is the fine specimen aboard your ship? Got him to talk?"

"He has adapted a little better ever since the bomb on Tuchan—"

"I swear, if he got you killed, I'd kick his Prothean ass out of the nearest airlock!"

"Now you sound just like him," Liara grinned. "Anyway, he doesn't seem to be utterly repulsed when I enter the room like before. I guess that's an improvement."

Aethyta smacked her clenched fist against the open palm of the other hand. "Got ya!" she exclaimed. Her eyes gleamed in the way Liara didn't like.

"What?" Liara asked.

"You wanna bang him," Aethyta stated, her eyes gleaming even more.

Liara felt the flush of heat in her cheeks. She stared at her father, gaping.

"You wanna bang him," Aethyta repeated. "Don't deny it. Protheans are your fantasy."

"I… I have no idea what you're talking about!" Liara declared, a little too defensive for her own good. It wasn't possible. She just wanted to find out more about his magnificen—

"You should see your eyes right now," Aethyta said very slowly. "They only gleam that way when you talk about Shepard. They gleamed that way when you talked about your better-than-getting-a-doctorate experience. You wanna bang him."

Talking to Aethyta suddenly seemed like a very bad idea.

"That's why you're so hung up on Shepard," Aethyta mused. "You don't want to admit to yourself you feel something for… Javik, was it?"

Liara still kept her mouth shut. She realized that she had indeed spent a lot of time thinking about Javik ever since he joined their crew, but there was nothing sexual in it. There wasn't. No matter what her father said. She knew her mind best.

"If you want my advice, and I think you do because you haven't replied to any of your calls for the past ten minutes," Aethyta continued, "start with realizing who you are and what you feel. Otherwise you'll have a lifetime of missed opportunities. And look, "she pointed somewhere above and behind Liara, "you have an opportunity right there."

Liara turned to see Javik at the top of the stairs overlooking the bar.

* * *

Javik stood on the Citadel. He really stood on the Citadel. He walked around the heart of the galaxy, breathed its recycled air, looked at its holographic lights.

It wasn't a dream. He was there. It still didn't sink in properly.

Javik approached the glass panel overlooking the docking area. The  _Normandy_  stood out among the myriad of the ships coming and going. It represented something familiar, something safe… something like home.

The human frigate  _was_  his home now, whether he liked it or not. It would be in his interest to simply accept it. And, much to his own surprise, Javik had realized recently that living with the young races wasn't as bad as he had initially thought.

The Citadel was the symbol of their society, just like it represented their Empire… until the Reapers came. And even though this cycle was cursed with their presence, too, the Citadel stood untouched. The cycle might not be broken yet, but it was bent, twisted, thanks to the last effort of his people.

The commander of the ship before him, Shepard, certainly had the determination to break it once for all. And he was going to be there with her, making the last cry of his people echo among the stars.

Javik unclenched his fists. He didn't even realize he had clenched them. There was no point in standing around and wasting time. The Citadel's hallways beckoned him. He wanted to see them with his own eyes, hoping to glimpse the glory of his people and understand the young ones.

He entered the elevator and pressed the button labeled  _market_. Even in his cycle, the places of commerce attracted many people. He was certain that he could capture the spirit of this cycle best there.

Javik regretted his decision the moment he was off the elevator. He bumped into a massive form of a krogan, who was too busy examining his shiny new weapon to pay attention to where he was going.

An alarm went off in his head and Javik froze still. The wild children of Tuchanka were… unpredictable, to say the least. It wouldn't be good to provoke one of them.

"Watch where you're going!" the krogan grunted, still not taking eyes off his weapon. He disappeared into the elevator without giving Javik a chance to say or do anything.

He was glad. It wasn't like Javik  _wanted_  to have anything to do with the savage wretches anyway. They responded to every threat with brutal, uncompromising vio—

Weren't his p—Wasn't  _he_ —

Javik shuddered and blocked the impossible, heretic thought immediately.

He would never understand the primitives. And even if he would—no. He shook his head, and continued on.

The walk through the busy hallway-street littered with shops didn't prove to be as enlightening as Javik had hoped. The young races milled about, wrapped in their thoughts and worries, and none of them seemed aware that their foe was getting closer by the minute.

They were delusional and weak and insignificant… and Shepard wanted to protect them, to give them  _all_  a chance for a better future. Even the lost ones from Tuchanka.  _That_ was something that he could never understand.

Still, there was still hope for this people, and that was something that the Prothean Empire could never claim. They had lost their hope… from the moment they had lost the Citadel.

This cycle... this cycle was so much different.

Something squishy tapped him on the shoulder from behind. He turned around to see a giant jellyfish floating in midair. Javik thought it was some sort of a stray animal, but then it spoke.

"This one has seen the face of an Enkindler!" it stated in a synthesized voice, and its body flashed with light as it echoed. Javik was intrigued, so he touched the jellyfish, hoping to find out what it really was.

"You are a hanar," he said, withdrawing his hand. "I am a Prothean. Not an Enkindler."

"That is how other races call the Enkindlers." The jellyfish's voice was almost… reverent. "They do not give them proper praise. The hanar respect that the Enkindlers gave them their voice."

Javik stared at the jellyfish in silence for several moments.

This is what became of their great project to uplift the hanar? Some of the best scientists the Empire had before the war worked on the voice synthesizer technology, and the jellyfish used it for  _this_!? For… for petty worship that was an insult to his people.

"It is a pity we have not taught your kind to talk better," he said before he could stop himself. Something about the hanar's reverent attitude bothered him. If he wanted to be honest with himself, it was because it reminded him of the annoying asari from the  _Normandy_.

"This one can see that it is not worthy of the Enkindler's attention. It will leave now."

Indeed, the jellyfish floated away, disappearing into the crowd.

Javik continued on, suddenly wishing that Liara reacted his way to his presence sometimes. She had become more tolerable since he lost his rifle on Tuchanka, but she still had her  _moments_.

He took a sharp breath, and stopped in the middle of a step. That mission wasn't his favorite. It wasn't enough that he lost his trusty weapon, but he failed as a soldier, too. He would never allow it to happen again.

"Is-is it true?" Another asari approached him. Were they all so nosy? "That hanar said you're an Enkindler! That means you're a Prothean!"

"A Prothean?" Someone with a flanged voice behind Javik inquired. He turned to see a turian mere inches from his face. "Tell us about your fight with the Reapers!"

Even more voices joined them. The incessant questions were about to pierce his ears.

"Enough!" he ground out when he couldn't take it anymore and escaped into the elevator. The primitiveness of this cycle was strangling him. He needed space and fresh air.

The problem was, he was on a space station.

The button labeled  _Presidium Commons_  caught his attention. He had heard about the fabled Presidium, both from the Echo Shard and Liara's tales. Its artificial sky and cloned plants would have to do. He pressed it. In a few moments, he found himself on the ring-shaped walkway.

It was… different than the marketplace; somehow calmer, quieter. It would be pretty… if it also wasn't a giant trap. The people here were even less aware of their enemy than those in the Wards. They didn't even have that air of purpose around them, no matter how useless it was.

A tall spire stood in the distance above all other buildings. That had to be the Council Tower. Liara had told him how important it was during Sovereign's attack on the Citadel.

Ignoring the people around him, he walked towards the tower. He was about to go down the stairs to the platform full of scattered chairs and tables, when he was rooted to the ground by the sight of the blue nightmare of the  _Normandy_. There she was, thankfully oblivious to his presence, caught in a conversation with another asari.

The unfamiliar asari pointed at him before he had the chance to disappear in the crowd and Liara turned around. Their gazes met for a moment.

Javik started to fidget as he watched Liara approach. His legs nearly started moving on their own, wanting to take him away. He remained where he was. A Prothean does not run.

Something was different about her this time, however. Her face was flushed dark blue, and she avoided to look at him directly.

"Uh… Hi." She took a deep breath. "Seeing the sights?"

"The sights… the tower… yes."

He didn't want to speak. He wanted to be back on the  _Normandy_ , in the quiet solace of his room.

The asari still couldn't look him in the eye. She was also quiet. What was going on?

_"Greetings, citizens!"_  A disembodied voice rang across the Presidium. He looked around and saw blue holograms popping up on the pedestals scattered about. The voice belonged to them. _"Please remain calm. There has been a minor security bre—secur—"_

The holograms fizzled and died all at once. People around him and Liara stood frozen with fear and anticipation clear on their faces.

This time, the asari were was able to look at him. And the question in her eyes was the same one that was on his mind,  _what just happened?_

In the distance, Javik saw several shuttles landing. His sharp vision allowed him to make out the colors they were painted in: white, gold and black.

The colors he had grown to hate ever since he woke up in this cycle.

"Cerberus."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic, like all my other work, is also published on FFN. This is what I got so far, expect an update soon! :D


	5. We did it

Soldiers poured out of the shuttles, and spread out across the Presidium. Javik reached for the assault rifle attached to his back. He would prefer his old particle rifle, but this "Phaeston" weapon was more than adequate once he got familiarized with it. The design was turian; Liara told him that when he picked it out from the ship's arsenal. It pained him to admit it, but the birds knew how to make weapons.

"Shepard? Do you copy?" Liara's voice brought him back to their present situation. "Shepard?"

There was no reply.

"We are on our own," he stated, searching for any sign of weakness in the asari's deep blue eyes. He found none. She didn't flinch even when the civilians around them started screaming.

The soldiers advanced through the Presidium plaza, opening fire on anything that moved. The civilians, some of them human, fell to the floor. Red, blue, green and purple flowed, painting the pristine panels in the color of death.

There was something wrong about seeing dead civilians, even if they pestered him with their primitive questions. Javik couldn't hold in a pang of sorrow as his four eyes searched for adequate cover. These traitors were going to face a real Prothean in battle soon. They would be the ones screaming then.

With the upper pair of his eyes, he saw Liara crouching behind a shop counter directly across his position. The lower pair was fixed on the advancing troops that were getting closer and closer.

Liara cast a worried glance at the bar behind them and caught a group of troopers in the blue, swirling vortex she called a singularity. The asari's eyes narrowed as she caught his gaze.  _Don't screw this up,_ they were telling him.

He would not. The weapon in his hands was enough of a reminder.

Lowering the Phaeston, Javik let the dark energy flow through his nerves. It twisted, coiled around his arm, building up power. With a small motion of his hand, he sent it straight into the heart of the blue vortex. The biotic field detonated on impact, tearing the soldiers caught within it apart. Their remains added their color to the sick painting of death on the plaza floor.

The other soldiers stopped their advance. "These are not civilians," one of them shouted. Javik bared his sharp, pointy teeth in a smirk as he readied the rifle. What an astute remark. Was low intelligence a requirement to join Cerberus? The troopers were still pondering the new situation when he cut them down.

Javik felt the familiar satisfaction coming from a good kill, but this time it was somehow different. For the first time after waking up in this cycle, he felt the sweet satisfaction coming from working as a team. It reminded him of the times before the dark cloud in his head and the bloody knife that lurked behind it.

The immediate danger gone, Javik stood up and shook his head. He would not allow his memories to torture him now. Liara stood up as well, when the holographic glove on her arm glowed. She brought it to her mouth.

"Shepard! Uh-huh. With Javik near Apollo's." She paused, obviously listening to a reply. "Got it!" The glove disappeared.

"Is the commander alright?" Javik asked, the care in his voice surprising even to his own ears.

"She's with Garrus in the C-Sec headquarters. Both are alive and in one piece. Cerberus is jamming the comms, but with help from Commander Bailey they managed to find a workaround."

Javik wasn't sure who "Commander Bailey" was, but if he was with C-Sec, and worked with Commander Shepard, there was a little chance he would be a traitor.

Liara dug through the pockets of her lab coat while she spoke. She pulled out a metallic bracelet and offered it to him. "It requires an omni-tool, not the regular communicator, though," she added.

Javik took the bracelet and attached it to his wrist. For a moment he regretted his disinterest in the technology of this cycle. He had no idea how to activate it.

Liara flashed a small smile and took his arm in her hands, waving it in the air. The holographic glove surrounded it immediately.

"There," she said, "that's how you turn it on." He nodded, struggling with the urge to tear his arm out of her grasp. Nobody was allowed to touch him in this cycle. Nobody. The primitives were beneath him. He decided if he wanted to touch them and only to read their genetic me—

Something flashed in the back of his mind, tearing through the dark gap in his memory.

— _female Prothean lying on the ground grasps at his wrist. His hand is at her throat, holding a serrated knife. It is covered in blood of his kind, and soon will be again. She is weak, and her futile efforts cannot stop him."Javik," she pleads, "Jav—" He closes his eyes and his hand moves on its own, doing what needs to be d—_

"Javik?" Another female voice called. "Javik, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes and saw Liara, still holding his arm. Her fingers hovered over the holographic interface, in the middle of the process of showing him the menus. The deep blue of her eyes was tinted with worry as she stared at him. There was something else in her eyes, something so familiar and yet he couldn't name it. It promised kindness and comfort, if only he would confide his worries in her.

No. No. What was he thinking? What—

The dark cloud shifted again, and Javik shook her arm off before the memory had a chance to resurface. He didn't want to see it again. He didn't want to remember who the bleeding female was.

"I can make it from here," he ground out, and it wasn't even a lie. The menus did look intuitive. He tapped the option labeled  _enable tool-to-tool network._  The receiver in his ear crackled with Shepard's voice as soon as he did it.

_"Good, now I can talk to you both,"_  she said. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but a warm feeling of relief washed over him.  _"Garrus and I are trying to reach the salarian councilor. He told us to meet us at the C-Sec headquarters to take actions against Udina immediately. We've been barely through the door when all hell broke loose. Thane escaped the hospital and joined the party, too. Just another mission with me, I guess,"_ she chuckled. Javik couldn't argue with that, really, and to his own surprise found it equally amusing. A small chuckle snuck out of his gritted teeth before he could hold it in, earning him a surprised look from Liara.

No one was more surprised than him, however. That was the first time he laughed sincerely ever since… he couldn't recall  _when_  was the last time he laughed from the heart, in fact.

_"Cerberus nearly took control over all systems,"_ the commander continued. _"They still have most of the comms and security measures. That's where you come in, Liara."_

"What do you need me to do?" Liara's eyes gleamed with determination as she spoke.

_"They need to be flushed out from the security system. They've locked up the access tube leading to the ship, so we're cut off from the rest of the crew. Bailey also believes they're tracking us through the cameras. He does what he can, but they keep countermeasuring his attempts."_

"I see." Liara nodded, a smug grin splitting her face. "Good thing you have a Shadow Broker on your team that isn't stuck in a locked up ship."

There it was again, that need for humor that oozed from every interaction between the  _Normandy's_  crewmembers. They fought in a war against an enemy threatening to take away everything they knew and loved, and yet they found the reason to smile and joke. There was a bond between them, invisible but tight, and it kept them from losing themselves to despair, or forgetting the essence of who they really were.

Unlike his people.

The Prothean Empire had been lost long before he agreed to lie down in that icy coffin. There was nothing left in his people, including him, but revenge, hatred and bitterness. He saw it clearly now, and it made his mind burn with something close to shame. Or was it envy?

How blind had he been? They could never defeat the Reapers, not with that attitude, even if their plan work—

"Javik?" Liara shook his shoulder, returning him to reality. He flinched. "Are you listening? We have to reach the C-Sec station down the street, so I can introduce my software bypass to their security network."

No. He wasn't listening, and it could get them killed. The upper pair of his eyes spotted another wave of troopers approaching. He gestured with his hand, and Liara took the hint immediately, sinking into cover again, her biotics swirling around her. He did the same, grateful for the actual enemy to shoot at instead of chasing ghosts in his head.

The troopers were dispatched even faster than the first wave. He  _worked_  with Liara, watching for the tell-tale signs she was about to fire a singularity and detonated it within seconds. For the first time since they started fighting together, he noticed how precise she was with her pistol. It wasn't as powerful as his weapon, but she still managed to down several troopers with it.

Even without Shepard, they fought as one. For a fleeting moment, he even imagined he felt the bond between them pulling them closer. It made him feel like he is more than a broken husk of a Prothean, lonely on his mission of vengeance. For that tiny moment he was alive again.

When it was over, and they made their way among the corpses to the C-Sec station Liara had indicated earlier, Javik felt the burning urge to say something nice to her. Not a mild compliment to appease her, but an honest, actual praise. None of the words felt right as he tried them out in his mind, so he kept silent, watching the tentacles on the back of her head bob up and down as she strode in front of him.

* * *

The door to the C-Sec station stood wide open when they approached, shooting off sparks at irregular intervals. Two turians and a human lay face down on the floor. Liara checked for life signs with her omni-tool, finding none. All three dead officers had entry wounds on their backs.

"Traitors," Javik intoned from behind her, echoing her thoughts. These poor officers had no chance. The entire attack had to be carefully planned.

Shaking her head, Liara approached the computer console. It was still functional. She fired up her omni-tool again, spreading out her palm in a quick motion. This caused various menus to appear under her fingertips. She quickly chose the bypass most suitable for the situation and ran it.

Her attention turned to the door, drawn by the sound of heavy feet stomping. She drew on the dark energy, ready to send it spiraling towards the door. Javik shook his head.

"I have the door," he assured. "You focus on the console."

She nodded, without a word.

Something happened while they were fighting their way through here. Liara wasn't quite sure what it was, but something changed. Javik changed, if she wanted to be exact.

What was going on? Was her father… right?

Liara pressed her palm against her forehead and sighed. Not here and not now. Once she got back to the confines of her office – and her favorite pillow – she could torture herself over and over again, trying to sort out her confused feelings. And she felt  _something_  for Javik; she could admit this to herself now. It wasn't just a wish to dissect him in a lab.

Like it was with Shepard.

Barking of gunfire outside the door shook her to reality. The bypass was seconds away from completion. Thankfully, Liara turned her attention to the array of icons that popped up on the screen once it broke through the Cerberus firewall.

She didn't look at the door once, knowing in her heart Javik would hold it. This isn't going to be like Tuchanka. They had both grown since then.

"I'm in," she spoke to Shepard. "The salarian councilor is up those stair—what was that? I swear I saw movement in the big room you're passing through, but now it's gone."

_"We'll keep an eye out. Thanks for the warning."_

Liara watched the events unfold, trying hard to ignore the gunfire and the crunching sounds caused by Javik tossing Cerberus soldiers around. At the point when the  _movement_ revealed itself, she had shouted a warning through the comms, but by the time Shepard relayed it, it was too late for Thane.

The drell was never her crewmate, but when he fell to the floor, sliced by the Cerberus human machine's sword (really, a  _sword_?), it felt like she took a punch to the gut. It was another punch when the cybernetic monstrosity got away in a skycar.

Shepard's face slipped the usual mask, showing genuine pain and anger as she held the bleeding drell, and that was what hurt the most. If she was only a bit faster, then maybe—

_"Thane needs medical assistance!"_  the commander yelled, to no one in particular.

Liara worked her magic through the holographic menus and alerted Huerta Memorial. "It's on its way," she hissed through the comms, struggling to stay focused. This was not her fault. Nobody could have predicted all tricks that the Illusive Man had in his sleeve.

Biting on her lip, she tracked the assassin through the Citadel, providing info to Shepard and Garrus who gave chase after him. There was nothing she could do really when he jumped out of his skycar and forced them to land, but she could make his ride in the elevator an absolute  _hell._  She made him stop on every floor, played the worst music in the databanks she could find, sprayed him with the fire sprinklers and turned the lights on and off all the time. It was enough for Shepard to catch up with him.

While Shepard did what she did best with Udina, other councilors and Kaidan, who had decided to show up at the most inopportune time, Liara struggled with the virus that the cyber-man released in the C-Sec system to erase all tracks of him. It nearly worked, but she succeeded in saving a camera shot with a close-up of his face and ran it through the database. The results mentioned the name Kai Leng and not much else, but it was  _something_. Her efforts weren't in vain.

"Cerberus soldiers are running away."

Javik's voice made her look up from the screen for the first time in a long while. He stood in the doorway, visibly tired, but with a victorious gleam in all four of his eyes.

"Their mission has failed," Liara replied. "Udina was with them, and he nearly delivered the Council straight into their hands. Shepard did it again. The impossible." Even after many years and many fights with the commander, Liara couldn't keep the awe away from her voice. Shepard would always hold a special place in her heart, even if the love between them was long gone or it never existed in the first place.

Javik walked over to her and laid a strong hand on her shoulder. "Do not underestimate yourself, Liara. We did it. Together." There was  _something_  in his eyes and expression again, something she couldn't name.

_"We're arriving with Cortez to pick you up."_ Shepard's voice made them both flinch, and caused Javik to withdraw his hand. He moved away towards the door again, the predatory mask covering his face again.

 


	6. Miracles Still Happen

The water tank in the corner of his room called to Javik as soon as he crossed the threshold to his room. Now that the buzz from adrenaline disappeared from his head, he longed to be alone. Truly alone. Hearing the door sealing behind him with a comforting sound, he dipped his hands into the tank's depths.

Scrub. Wash away. All the way to the elbows.

It didn't help. The feel of  _Liara_ , her being, her essence still clung to him, no matter what he did.

What happened to him on the Citadel?

A primitive touched him. He touched a primitive. It didn't feel repulsive. That was wrong. He had to rectify it.

He scrubbed even harder, sending the ripples across the surface of the water. The feeling still wouldn't go away.

Giving up, Javik pulled his hands out of the water and knelt on the rug in the middle of the room. It was so quiet he could hear the drops of water falling down on the soft fabric.

Having sharp senses could really work against him sometimes.

He needed peace. He needed to clear his head, and push away the thought of Liara's delicate fingers grasping his forearm, and how it  _frightened_  him. How it sprang free the memory he did not wish to remember. How her face brightened up when he touched her shoulder. How he felt her even through their armors, and how  _warm_ it made him feel.

Javik looked up at the ceiling, the bright light blinding his sensitive eyes. He endured until the pain forced him to close them.

The pain was good. Familiar. He didn't deserve the warm feeling of belonging and happiness. He had failed his crew. He had failed  _her_. He had failed as a friend and a commander and a—

_And what?_

Javik flinched as a tiny Prothean voice appeared in the back of his head. It was  _her_ voice.

The room spun around him as he jumped to his feet. He looked around, although he knew she could not be here. As his gaze fell on the memory shard, Javik shivered.

_Go on, use it! Face it!_

He shook his head, and took a step back.

_I didn't know you were such a coward._ Another voice spoke. This time a male Prothean's, but not his.

"I am the Avatar of Vengeance! Not a coward!" he growled at the empty room and sank to his knees again.

Neither of the voices responded. Good. He still had control over his own mind.

The silence didn't help him. Somewhere in the back of his mind Javik knew that The Voices spoke the truth. He didn't want to see memories stored in the shard. He didn't want to bond with this crew and see them end up like—

Like his old ship. The ship he commanded. The ship in the middle of the dark cloud in his head.

Javik growled again, shaking his head. It didn't help either. His mind was stuck. Stuck in the ancient patterns of thought driven into his soul by the last remnants of his empire.

Of the empire that was long gone. His vengeance made no sense. Not anymore.

_What feels better,_  Javik suddenly asked himself, and in the voice of his own mind this time,  _this, or your fight with Liara?_

The emptiness of the room answered the question. It suffocated him, tortured him, begging him to go out and…

And  _live_.

This cycle still had  _life._

For the first time in his life, Javik pushed the old patterns of thought away through the force of his own will. He wanted to break free.

He wanted to live.

Standing up, Javik looked at the water tank again, this time with disdain. He didn't want to run away anymore.

Javik exited the room and headed for the elevator. This time he didn't want to experience the traces of those who were here before, but the real people. Real, actual people.

In this cycle miracles still happened.

Arriving at the place where the crewmembers ate their meals – the mess hall, did they call it? – Javik spotted only one prim—person sitting at one of the tables. The hunk of meat from the vehicle hangar. James Vega.

Javik took a step back, and then another one, nearly regretting his decision to mingle with the crew. Again, he had to use sheer force of will to stop himself from retreating to the elevator. He could do this. He would win the most difficult fight of them all.

The fight against himself, and the fears buried deep within him.

Taking a deep breath, Javik lowered himself on the chair across the human. Vega responded promptly by widening his eyes in shock.

"Human," Javik said, trying to come up with a more appropriate greeting. Nothing showed up. His mind felt like it was wiped completely blank.

Vega's mouth opened and closed several times before he finally spoke. "So… a Prothean, huh?"

This was going to be such a mind-stimulating conversation, Javik could already tell.

"Yes." Again, he searched his mind for something to say, and again he found nothing. Nothing that wouldn't be insulting, at least.

Why were the old patterns of thoughts so difficult to break?

"Aw, shit!" Vega suddenly jumped from the chair and ran over to the kitchen. He lifted a smoking pan from the stove and peeked under the lid. "Phew, they're okay. Just a second longer…"

"What are okay?" Javik found the question suddenly popping up in his brain.

"My eggs, man!" Vega grinned from ear to ear. "Want a bite?"

The smell was good. His stomach felt cold and empty.

"Yes."

Even a Prothean needed to eat. And the yellowish mass that found its way to the plate before Javik looked more edible than the ration bars he kept sneaking out of the refrigerator.

Javik tore away a small piece of the mass and put in his mouth. It felt hot… almost too hot for its temperature. It somehow burned on the way down, but the feeling wasn't unpleasant. It invited him, begged him to eat more. To fill the cold emptiness within him.

Vega watched Javik hesitate with a confused expression on his face. How would a human know that a Prothean didn't let anyone see him eat? It was a weakness, revealing possible enemies what to poison.

Javik munched down on another piece. None of the people on this ship were his enemies. He could eat. He could let them see him eat.

Another piece disappeared in his mouth. And another one. And another one. Javik kept going until he cleared the plate, enjoying the pleasant feeling of having his stomach full.

In this cycle there was still warmth. Warmth that even he was allowed to enjoy.

"Was it good?" Vega still had a grin on his face.

"Yes, human." Javik took a deep breath. "Thank you."

Why did those simple two words hurt so much? Didn't the human –  _Vega -_ deserve praise for his words?

"I wonder if the Doc would like some," Vega mused, interrupting Javik's reverie. "She works so hard sometimes she forgets to eat."

"The Doc?"

"Liara." Vega motioned with his head at the door near the kitchen. "Always busy, staring at those monitors. I never see her doing anything fun."

"I will take a plate to her," Javik replied, surprising himself. "I wanted to talk to her anyway."

As he spoke those words, Javik realized that it was indeed true. He wanted to talk to her.

Vega eyed him for a moment before unloading more of the yellow mass –  _eggs_  – on another plate. He also supplied a utensil Javik did not recognize before handing it over.

The only thing left to do now was to take it to Liara's room.

* * *

_You wanna bang him._

Liara hugged her pillow tighter, ignoring Aethyta's voice echoing in her head.

_You wanna bang him._

Was it true? Was her father right?

_You wanna bang him,_  her feed chattered.  _You wanna bang him,_ the swirling images on Glyph spelled. Y _ou wanna bang him_ , her heart whispered.

Liara whimpered and tossed the pillow away from her. She needed to get up, to monitor the reports and feeds and find out about the  _exact_  amount of damage the quarians tried to inflict on themselves by attacking the geth. The ship was en route to the Far Rim, and Shepard  _needed_ that info.

Shepard. Her mind was surprisingly silent at the mention of this name. Good. At least that improved.

Sighing, Liara stood up and approached her monitors. She sat in front of them for a long time, not doing anything, just trying to recall the sweet feeling of Javik's hand on her shoulder.

Goddess.

The door to her office hissed open. Liara turned towards the sound to…

… To see her mind playing tricks with her. That was the only explanation.

In the doorway stood a bug-shaped form in red armor, carrying a plate of eggs in his hands with a fork laid across it.

Javik. Carrying a plate. With food. As she watched, he moved closer and offered it to her, not speaking a word.

She had either gone insane or just witnessed a miracle.

Closing her mouth – she didn't even realize she was gaping – Liara took the proffered plate and set it on her desk.

"Am I interrupting?" Javik asked. Since when he bothered with pleasantries?

She shook her head. Words didn't exist in her brain right now.

"I…" he hesitated."I… want to tell you something. About my people. I know you want to find out more about them."

She waited, turning into all ears. Processing would come later.

"The truth is…" he paused again. "… I don't know much. My memories are… confused. There are… things, stories about the greatness of our Empire, but what I do remember does not match. We lost the war, but that is not our greatest failure. We have lost ourselves."

"What do you mean?" Liara finally found her voice.

"We were scared animals when I entered cryostasis. Afraid of what comes next and of one another, but too proud to admit it. There was nothing left in us, just hatred, arrogance and fear. It is… a cold feeling. Colder than the pod you found me in. You don't want to experience it. Liara."

Her lower lip shook when she heard her name spoken by him. There was something in his voice, something—

"But there is more," he continued. Liara flinched a little. What could be worse? "I do not remember myself properly. There are voices, images in my head, torturing me. It is like a dark cloud in my mind, concealing parts of my past from me."

"But you said… about that device we found on you." She took a step closer. Something tugged on her chest when she thought about him alone in that room, tortured by his own mind. "You said it can store memories."

"Yes. The Echo Shard." He turned away from her. "I am afraid to use it. Afraid of what I might find out." He slumped against the wall, as if admitting this took his strength away.

"Javik…" Liara whispered, overwhelmed by a plethora of emotions she couldn't even name. He looked up at her, all four of his eyes twitching, moving out of sync. "Javik," she said louder, approaching him. Part of her still couldn't believe that he shared this.

She wanted to touch him, to hold his hand again like on the Citadel. She wanted to hold him close, stand with him and help dealing with his memories.

She didn't want to just bang him.

"Do… do you think Shepard would still want me on her ship if she knew I am not the great warrior I presented myself to be?"

"Of course!" Liara reached for his hand, but refrained from making contact in the last moment. The last time she did that it sent him through a flashback or another sort of intense memory. She didn't want to put him through that again. "You are a great warrior. What you've been through… would destroy a lesser person."

"Am I not destroyed?"

"You're alive," she said. "You saw the Citadel. You saw a Reaper fall dead on Tuchanka. You've come farther than any Prothean ever."

Javik was silent for a while. Finally, he said, "This cycle is so much different… but I begin to understand it… even like it."

Liara nodded, feeling the urge to touch him again. All this time she thought that Javik was an arrogant asshole when he was a tortured soul in need of comfort.

How did her heart know what her mind didn't?

"Liara?" Javik's fingers brushed against hers for a moment. If the fleeting touch didn't feel like electric current, she'd be sure she just imagined it. "Would you… would you look at the shard to fix your memory if you were me?"

"I would…" She gripped his hand and he didn't flinch our tear it away.

"Even if it brought you great pain?"

"I… I used to run from my past," she admitted. "Not as traumatic as yours, but I think it brought me greater pain by avoiding it than attempting to face it. I think I'd take my chances with the memories."

He nodded and released her hand. "I will not disappoint you."

Disappoint? Her? He cared about disappointing her? Or was he talking about someone else?

"When you're ready. Take your time. I—None of us wants you to hurt yourself with experiencing too much pain."

He nodded again, straightening."It feels good to share one's burdens with another soul. It has been so long since I could do it…" He reduced his voice to a whisper. "So long…"

"That's what friends are for." Liara smiled. Other… things she experienced today would have to wait. For now, if he could find a friend in her ought to be enough.

"And a friend does not leave another friend hungry." Javik's lips stretched in a grin, baring his teeth, but this time it didn't look as intimidating as usual. "Eat."

"What?"

He motioned at the plate on her desk.

"Eat, asari!" The grin deepened. "Vega says you keep forgetting it. I don't want you to collapse in the middle of another Cerberus attack." With that, he turned on his heels and left as abruptly as he entered.

Was that humor she detected in his undertone? Real,  _Normandy-_ certified humor? Not another way to insult her?

Today was a good day for miracles, indeed.

Smiling to herself, Liara grabbed the fork and turned her attention to the plate. Vega's famous eggs looked spicy delicious.

 


End file.
